Chasing Happiness or Maya..??

 Met a very dear friend yesterday and after the usual pleasantries, we got discussing about our day to day activities and how mundane our lives were..!! Of course, we are a lot more privileged and blessed with lot of things. Yet, why do we feel discontented with the world around us and many a times with ourselves as well..!!

Guess, it all boils down to what is ‘happiness’? The answer can immensely vary even for each individual at different moments. For eg., a student who has not done well, may feel passing in the exam would bring happiness and the very next second feel sad that he/she may get belted for scoring low. For some it could be very material- a good house, job, fancy items etc. To others it could be good relationships.  And for those on a spiritual quest, it might be peace with self, others and life on the whole.

However, on the other hand, what used to once provide us happiness does not have the same effect after awhile. Hence, can we say happiness is transitory? Is happiness really something outside us? Are we all chasing happiness or is it Maya? Maya is usually described as illusion; certain schools associate Maya to the Goddess of Illusion.  Ahamkara (ego-consciousness) & karma are said to be the wings of Maya.  For liberation (moksha), it is believed one has to get over the veil of Maya!! Literally, it means the whole world is Maya- as the world exists in our thoughts..!!

Consequently, are we chasing happiness or Maya? Well, I still can’t differentiate what is Maya and what is not..!! I shall let the reader take a call on it.

Getting back to happiness- can outside factors such as money, job, partner, children or anything else, really provide us happiness? If we connect the tenets & findings of positive psychology, Seligman & associates found that the happiest people are those who have a purpose in life which serves a higher good. Come to think of it, we’ve all had fleeting experiences of lending a helping hand to those in need and genuine satisfaction associated without any expectation in return, especially to strangers. Subsequently, for those of us who still have a long way to go in reaching our higher self wouldn’t this (higher purpose) be a starting point?

Spirituality talks of ‘ananda’(sat chit ananda) or the all encompassing ‘bliss’ that encompasses when we’re totally connected to everything around us and we’re at peace with ourselves and the world. The high we experience when we’re in our ‘zone’ wherein the doer and action becomes one, such as when you dance, sing or play a game- literally any activity performed with total oblivion to everything else or when everything becomes one..!! Isn’t happiness then something within us??

How do we apply this to our daily lives and remain in a blissful state? As much as we wish, we are not in a utopian society. Whether, we like it or not, we are bound to encounter challenging situations and people, in all areas of our life. The attitude of ‘detachedly attached’ would probably help to keep us in our state of ananda. How do we stay happy when things don’t go our way? Firstly, remembering that we are all playing roles in the drama of life. Secondly, as the Gita advocates, our duty is to complete the task to the best of our ability & not worry over the result. Also, ask yourself what’s more your important – maintaining your blissful state or chasing happiness in outside factors? We have to overlook the trivialities, and focus on what’s going good; only, then we can attract more of the same. Lastly but very importantly, staying in the present where all the action is happening!

Hope my rambling mind has helped in ringing some bells..!! Good luck in going beyond Maya magic and maintaining our blissful state.

Lord Shiva- the Destroyer of Office Malice

 Those who know me, have been hinting that  I’ve gone a little crazy because of my obsession with spirituality & more so with Lord Shiva.  Not only have I been fascinated with books & stories, but off late realise how brilliantly myths & mythology influence our beliefs & thereby our race. Hence, attempting to link passion with profession- Mythology with Psychology! Fingers crossed.

What exactly is so fascinating about this Mahapurush who is smeared with ash, adorns himself with flesh, a snake & of course the beautiful crescent moon.  Lord Shiva is known as the destroyer, wondered for ages why a God would destroy!  Only now do I realise that He aids is destroying evil at a micro & macro level; thereby restoring order in the world.  At the individual or micro level, in dispelling our negativities- such as fear,  evil, anger & the never-ending list. At the macro level, in helping us deal with insecurity, conniving colleagues, exploiting seniors etc etc.

‘Nataraj’: The destroyer- transformer of cosmic dance in the Hindu tradition.
Shiva means "The Good" God. His third eye, the eye of fire, represents his 
capacity of higher perception. It looks both inward and outward and burns illusions.

This is my first attempt in connecting the role of mythology to our corrupt world.  So, just like a Bollywood movie, this fictitious plot weaved its way in my excited mind! I’m sure we’ve all been through or heard of close one’s go through office politics. The story might seem a little familiar but watch out for the ‘good’ prevailing & also the myth-psych link!

As we most often see in movies, a sweet, smiling, youngster enters the office one gloomy day. She is obviously ever polite to colleagues & seniors (or at least pretends).  Let’s name her ‘Laila’- the sweetypie. As time passes, she becomes the Woman Friday of the Office, doing everything she can or can’t; even doing things which are not really her work. Well, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that she becomes the darling of one and all, as she is ever obliging.  Of course, what the Office doesn’t realise is she is plotting her scheme so brilliantly by cleverly plotting one against the other, yet remaining in the good books of all!

However, her plot is hatched by a smart and no-nonsense officer Meena who senses something foul with her visiting the top Management at the drop of a hat..!! Though, it took Meena awhile to actually believe that folks do go to the cheapest extent for reasons best known to them. Also, pride takes over our dear Laila darling as she tries to oust all the experienced candidates to bring in her own battalion of newbees hailing from Timbaktu. Fortunately, the clients have a great rapport & trust with Meena's Team & insist on working with none other than them.

Meena being a staunch devotee of Shiva believed in doing her work & not getting involved in dirty politics. But, then realising the mess she was being dragged into’ without being aware of the sidyness of people..!! She questioned, fought & finally sought solace in her bestest friend & guardian ‘Lord Shiva’. Like always, He gave her the knowledge to discern what was going beyond the veil & to see through the games and drama. In the mean time, our super smart Laila seems to have lost her buddhi to aham & greed (wonder why..!!). Well, well.. Our good old  Laila dug her own grave due to her  cheekiness & also foolishly left traces of her white collar crime (or should it be crimes). To her shock, the clients & Management showed immense faith & support in Meena, which can only happen by divine grace. Sadly, Laila underestimated the power of hard work, honesty & loyalty. But then, it’s not fair of us to expect such nobility from a person who is self-centred, selfish & narcissistic right?!!

 Meena went untouched but not the ‘clever’ Laila who surely got noticed for all the wrong reasons by all those who matter. As a Senior Manager told Meena, ‘Laila is like a leaf, which sways to the wind’.  I have a feeling that people like Laila would be better off in politics. Not even few years into work & Laila got the distinct reputation of ‘playing games’. We all get what we have sowed. Meena showed more dignity by Silence, which tortured Laila. They both continue to work in the same office but let’s hope both have learnt their respective lessons &  Laila learns better plotting..!!

This is the story of most of our lives right? Whether, we like it or not we have to be prepared to encounter negativity. It’s annoying but such people and situations are tests for growth & aid in moving towards light. If we end up trying to teach the other person a lesson, we might end up like the other & become a pawn in the’ Corporate rat race’. If we only remember there is higher power, the Lord who destroys evil & fear, punishes the wrong-doer & provides justice to those on the right track. He does things in ways we cannot even fathom (for lack of a better word- miracle). If only we’re willing to overcome our fear & trust Him. I have finally learnt to surrender having learnt it the hard way that outcomes are never in our hands & I can’t change the world..!! It offers solace & invokes fearlessness knowing someone much above humans is watching out for me..!! Hopefully, we can transform our lives from darkness to light via Lord Shiva. God Bless You.

Would like to dedicate this post to all the Lailas in my life.. you'll taught me to trust in Him & destroy the evil in me slowly but surely..!!!

Pause and Go Within

 “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Viktor Frankl.

Hello All, happened to hear a profound statement recently which got me pondering & led to this piece. So, what exactly did i hear?? This- ‘No one can make you angry’.

Yeah yeah, being a psych you’re expected to know all this in & out but we also happen to be human..!! Looking at it from a pure SR approach, there is a stimulus S (someone's being nasty to us) and then our response R (retorting back). I’m not judging here. However, remember between Stimulus and Response there is also a Space (you could call the ‘black box’) which beckons us to pause for a brief second, thereby making us think about our probable response, and also the consequence/s (Covey, Frankl).

Pavlov's famous dog..!!

You’re wondering, what all with this thinking fetch? The answer will vary according to each individual and what he/she wants at that particular point of time.

So, in the above example, where in someone is being nasty and we probably retort. Let’s pause a little at this point. Instead of choosing to immediately react (as against responding), if we just ask ‘what do I want from this encounter/situation’; this question forces us out of our short-sightedness..!! The answer could be manifold- give it back to the other person (but then what)? On the other hand, we could aim to be unaffected & go on with whatever we were doing.  Beware as one’s ego might come in here (all hurt) convincing us it’s best to teach the other person a lesson. But think about it with a cool head- isn’t it better to not get into an immediate ‘action-reaction mode’ & lose our peace of mind. Agree it might be instantly gratifying but what happens after that? How do we feel after the so-called victory? We end up wasting so much of valuable energy pondering over the why’s and what’s. Then we wonder why we’re drained out or negative. Remember, we only have choice over our reactions & responses, not over that of others!


Anger stems when the other person does not behave the way we want them too. However, on hind sight they could be right from their perspective or limited understanding. Why try controlling another, thereby inviting anger and its sisters...!! Instead better to ‘CONTROL OURSELVES & WHAT’S NEGATIVE IN US’.  Causes of anger will need to be delved into separately, hopefully soonly..!!



According to spirituality, only a person in pain (emotional, physical or spiritual) will be annoyingly hurtful to another. We would probably be breaking the karmic chain as well when we choose not to follow the obvious pattern of ‘tit for tat’..!! No, I’m no saint and obviously retort many a times, yet I’m at least aware of the other option available. We may not be successful all the time but it’s worth experimenting and tying to stay calm, than breaking our head over another person or situation.

The phrase ‘no can make you angry’ also answered my long-standing question of how some people are poised and calm even when they are attacked by irrational acts. Guess, I now understand that such people chose to break the pattern, and instead opt for peace and freedom. Their silence speaks a zillion things, and is surely worth emulating.

We can’t avoid negative people or situations but the aim is to become aware of oneself & the choices we are making which will constantly shape our future. And let’s face it, we all have our moods and annoying traits as well. Hence, knowingly and unknowingly we might have irked people around us. So, it’s all part of communication in the Wheel of Life..!! Let’s make it easier for ourself & people around us by just pausing a little & going within. Choice is in our hands- pain or freedom..?!

Traveling beyond the Known!

I know it’s been a while, since I sat down to write. Lack of time is not an excuse, but guess my motivation was. So, then what prompted me to do it today and that too on a Sunday afternoon. Guess it’s the happiness and oneness I am feeling with everything and everyone around. For the rational and skeptics, this piece may not be to your liking but if you go on with an open mind you may find the Universe is trying to communicate something to you. If you’re ready, you will receive it.

            So, what exactly happened? I will have to delve a little into what’s been going on with me over the past few weeks. It seemed like every area and problem seemed to engulf me and that too one after another. Of course, I swung between belief and non-belief, faith and despair. Somehow, it just seemed hard to cope with and people think being a psychologist you are not supposed to have any problems! At this point, I must admit I’m not a person who likes to make my life known, even my close one’s rarely know what is going through my mind and life. But for some reason I am prompted to write this, may be as a hope or support to those who go might be going through a similar phase. Okay, don’t worry- won’t make it my sad saga! That was just the beginning, and then came the miracle.

            Life or Universe suddenly started to bring amazing people and teachers who taught me that I was taken care off. Going through that fireful testing times was essential for the transformation to happen. Events I least expected started occurring since this year began. It all seemed like one of Dr. Brian Weiss’s case-studies where things were unfolding magically and leading from one to another. One event leading to another event or person who helped me to get in touch with something within me (unaware repressed, suppressed memories). This in turn, led to questioning and resolving (or at least on the path) some patterns (age old) which was absolutely essential. Of course, I went through phases of being over-whelmed and it took me awhile to accept the lessons and learnings’ of my life (past if you believe and understand past-life). At one point, I even wondered if ignorance was bliss but guess that was just a defense to deal with or face the obvious or unknown. Life had different plans however, and now I realize what happened was essential. How can we make space for the ‘new’ if we are cluttered with the old and non-useful stuff in us!

Also, the unknown is fearful because we don’t know what it might hold but how boring our lives would be if there were no twists and turns. Yet, we wish to remain in control. At times, we just have to surrender and go with the flow, and what we may experience might be way beyond our rational minds can fathom! The wonder a small child or pet shows is the attitude we need to develop. The journey then is far more beautiful and mystical!

            Now, as I write to you, something in me is surely and steadily shifting. I feel I am in the amazing space, where I feel an absolute oneness and gratitude for everything around me. I have had this fleeting experience amidst nature a few times before but now I feel it for everything and everyone. Only hope this sense of wonder and connectness starts saying longer (wishing to place the responsibility outside me!). One thing I have noticed is that the more I learn about Life, the more I am humbled about how much more there is to the mystically unknown Universe. Opportunities are provided to experience but we shrug it off due to our rational upbringing. The Indian Psychology concept of moving from conditioning to de-conditioning makes absolute sense now. Solutions aren’t always available from our rational mind but it may come to you from something deep within you, if are quiet enough to hear it. Hence, it is really good to sleep over a problem. The answers we seek outside us be it with experts or other sources can be accessed deep within ourselves. Yes, I also question, argue and get in to the loops of the chattering monkey mind. Finally, since the exercise seems futile, it is wiser to quieten the monkey with love and let your inner, higher self emerge. This clear voice can not only advice you but also be your good friend and constant companion. The quieter we are, the more access we have to our higher self.

We ought to aim to connect to our inner self, by consciously shutting out our rational mind, and tuning into the stillness within each of us, which is the source of infinite wisdom, call it your intuition or higher self. A simple exercise I learnt over the past few days is to close your eyes, breathing in through your nostril and exhaling via your mouth, with the intention to connect to your self helps you get in touch with your sacred space.

            As I have heard and read from numerous sources, every problem in your life is here to tell you something and help you get in touch with your higher self. I know it’s difficult to remember this when we’re in trouble but slowly and gradually we learn to flow with life and its challenges rather than against it. I still have all the little worries that we humans have but I choose to go with it. Once I have probably learnt the lesson or faced the challenge, it will dissipate. However, for now I’m in my inner quiet, unconditionally happy and loving zone and wish many more of us can connect to the sacred space (on a daily basis) which takes us on a much required inward, wonderful journey. I end with one of my favorite quotes of J. Krishnamurthy, ‘If you trust the River of Life, the river of life has an amazing way of taking care of you’. Happy inner traveling J