Pause and Go Within

 “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Viktor Frankl.

Hello All, happened to hear a profound statement recently which got me pondering & led to this piece. So, what exactly did i hear?? This- ‘No one can make you angry’.

Yeah yeah, being a psych you’re expected to know all this in & out but we also happen to be human..!! Looking at it from a pure SR approach, there is a stimulus S (someone's being nasty to us) and then our response R (retorting back). I’m not judging here. However, remember between Stimulus and Response there is also a Space (you could call the ‘black box’) which beckons us to pause for a brief second, thereby making us think about our probable response, and also the consequence/s (Covey, Frankl).

Pavlov's famous dog..!!

You’re wondering, what all with this thinking fetch? The answer will vary according to each individual and what he/she wants at that particular point of time.

So, in the above example, where in someone is being nasty and we probably retort. Let’s pause a little at this point. Instead of choosing to immediately react (as against responding), if we just ask ‘what do I want from this encounter/situation’; this question forces us out of our short-sightedness..!! The answer could be manifold- give it back to the other person (but then what)? On the other hand, we could aim to be unaffected & go on with whatever we were doing.  Beware as one’s ego might come in here (all hurt) convincing us it’s best to teach the other person a lesson. But think about it with a cool head- isn’t it better to not get into an immediate ‘action-reaction mode’ & lose our peace of mind. Agree it might be instantly gratifying but what happens after that? How do we feel after the so-called victory? We end up wasting so much of valuable energy pondering over the why’s and what’s. Then we wonder why we’re drained out or negative. Remember, we only have choice over our reactions & responses, not over that of others!


Anger stems when the other person does not behave the way we want them too. However, on hind sight they could be right from their perspective or limited understanding. Why try controlling another, thereby inviting anger and its sisters...!! Instead better to ‘CONTROL OURSELVES & WHAT’S NEGATIVE IN US’.  Causes of anger will need to be delved into separately, hopefully soonly..!!



According to spirituality, only a person in pain (emotional, physical or spiritual) will be annoyingly hurtful to another. We would probably be breaking the karmic chain as well when we choose not to follow the obvious pattern of ‘tit for tat’..!! No, I’m no saint and obviously retort many a times, yet I’m at least aware of the other option available. We may not be successful all the time but it’s worth experimenting and tying to stay calm, than breaking our head over another person or situation.

The phrase ‘no can make you angry’ also answered my long-standing question of how some people are poised and calm even when they are attacked by irrational acts. Guess, I now understand that such people chose to break the pattern, and instead opt for peace and freedom. Their silence speaks a zillion things, and is surely worth emulating.

We can’t avoid negative people or situations but the aim is to become aware of oneself & the choices we are making which will constantly shape our future. And let’s face it, we all have our moods and annoying traits as well. Hence, knowingly and unknowingly we might have irked people around us. So, it’s all part of communication in the Wheel of Life..!! Let’s make it easier for ourself & people around us by just pausing a little & going within. Choice is in our hands- pain or freedom..?!